Obituaries


Panasonic passed away at home, from neglect, surrounded by his loving family, at the age of 3 years. A golden core stopped clocking; Hard working RAM at rest, It broke our hearts to see you go, e-waste recycling depots only take the best. If so desired, donations to a community outreach initiative of one’s choice would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

 

Motorola V551, 3, passed away at Grand River Hospital, from damaged screen and from “lusting after a blackberry” . It will be sorely missed by its many relatives and friends in Canada and in the Cloud. A phone of great integrity, Motorola V551 treated its data with great respect and appreciation, inspiring profound loyalty from all. Condolences for the family and donations can may be arranged through the Critical Media Lab.

 

 

With a mixture of sadness and yet great joy, Blackberry Curve’s family wishes to announce its unexpected passing at 3 years old, from iPhone Envy. It was kind hearted, caring, generous – a real sweetheart and will be missed. It will be remembered always by telecom servers, ISP records, billing agencies, tech companies, big brother, the CRTC, the FCC, advertisers, and Mike Hammond from Lubbock, TX, who exploited a camera security vulnerability on this device to silently and clandestinely capture video of the owner at their most vulnerable. Friends and relatives are invited to sign Blackberry Curve’s online book of condolences at: criticalmedia.uwaterloo.ca/crimelab/obituaries. If so desired, donations to a community outreach initiative of one’s choice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Marcel’s PalmOne Treo passed away from old age, with its family by its side. It was 13 years old. Marcel’s PalmOne Treo was manufactured in China, and immigrated to Canada on a container ship burning 16 tons of fuel per hour in the early-to-mid 2010’s. The family would like to extend their sincere gratitude to all the staff at Big Telecom for the compassionate care they provided for many years. If so desired, donations to a community outreach initiative of one’s choice would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

 

Julie’s iPhone SE passed away at home, from being smashed in a car door, surrounded by his loving family, at the age of 1.5 years. A file of great integrity, Julie’s iPhone SE treated its data with great respect and appreciation, inspiring profound loyalty from all. At Julie’s iPhone SE’s request, there will be no visitation or formal funeral service. In lieu of flowers, donations to the charity of your choice would be appreciated.

 

 

 

 

With a mixture of sadness and yet great joy, Pura Vida iPod Touch’s family wishes to announce its unexpected passing at 4 years old, from exposure. She will be greatly missed by all. It will be remembered always by telecom servers, ISP records, billing agencies, tech companies, big brother, the CRTC, the FCC, advertisers, and Mike Hammond from Lubbock, TX, who exploited a camera security vulnerability on this device to silently and clandestinely capture video of the owner at their most vulnerable. Visit Pura Vida iPod Touch’s memorial in the rock garden across from the Charles Street Terminal.

 

 

 

Andy’s Mom’s Blackberry Torch, 7, passed away peacefully of old age, plugged into its charger. Andy’s Mom’s Blackberry Torch was manufactured in China, and immigrated to Canada on a container ship burning 16 tons of fuel per hour in the early-to-mid 2010’s. A golden core stopped clocking; Hard working RAM at rest, It broke our hearts to see you go, e-waste recycling depots only take the best. In lieu of flowers, donations to the charity of your choice would be appreciated.

 

 

 

Scott’s LG 4 passed away from congenital defect, with its family by its side. It was 1.5 years old. Scott’s LG 4 was manufactured in China, and immigrated to Canada on a container ship burning 16 tons of fuel per hour in the early-to-mid 2010’s. It will be remembered always by telecom servers, ISP records, billing agencies, tech companies, big brother, the CRTC, the FCC, advertisers, and Mike Hammond from Lubbock, TX, who exploited a camera security vulnerability on this device to silently and clandestinely capture video of the owner at their most vulnerable. Condolences for the family and donations can may be arranged through the Critical Media Lab.

 

Little Red, 3, passed away at Grand River Hospital, from replacement model. Little Red was an active member of the mobile network and a faithful contributor to Google Maps location and traffic data. In lieu of flowers, donations to the charity of your choice would be appreciated.

 

 

 

 

Matt’s first Nexus 5, 4, passed away at Grand River Hospital, from blunt force trauma. The family would like to extend their sincere gratitude to all the staff at Big Telecom for the compassionate care they provided for many years. Condolences for the family and donations can may be arranged through the Critical Media Lab.

 

 

 

Matt’s second Nexus 5, 3.5, passed away peacefully from being dropped by Matt, plugged into its charger. A deeply caring device, Matt’s second Nexus 5’s greatest joy was its family, of whom it was extremely proud. The family would like to extend their sincere gratitude to all the staff at Big Telecom for the compassionate care they provided for many years. Friends are invited to share their memories of Matt’s second Nexus 5 with its family during visitation at the Critical Media Lab, 44 Gaukel St., Kitchener during CAFKA. As expressions of sympathy, donations of your time to a local community kitchen would be appreciated.

 

 

Matt’s third Nexus 5, 3, passed away at Grand River Hospital, from abandonment. She will be greatly missed by all. A golden core stopped clocking; Hard working RAM at rest, It broke our hearts to see you go, e-waste recycling depots only take the best. In lieu of flowers, donations to the charity of your choice would be appreciated.

 

 

 

With a mixture of sadness and yet great joy, Becky’s Blackberry Curve Sr.’s family wishes to announce its unexpected passing at 8 years old, from contract expiry. It will be remembered always by telecom servers, ISP records, billing agencies, tech companies, big brother, the CRTC, the FCC, advertisers, and Mike Hammond from Lubbock, TX, who exploited a camera security vulnerability on this device to silently and clandestinely capture video of the owner at their most vulnerable. Friends are invited to share their memories of Becky’s Blackberry Curve Sr. with its family during visitation at the Critical Media Lab, 44 Gaukel St., Kitchener during CAFKA. In lieu of flowers, donations to the charity of your choice would be appreciated.

With a mixture of sadness and yet great joy, Becky’s Blackberry Curve Jr.’s family wishes to announce its unexpected passing at 6 years old, from android envy. It will be sorely missed by its many relatives and friends in Canada and in the Cloud. Becky’s Blackberry Curve Jr. was an active member of the mobile network and a faithful contributor to Google Maps location and traffic data. As expressions of sympathy, donations of your time to a local community kitchen would be appreciated.

 

 

Meg’s Sidekick passed away from culture shock, with its family by its side. It was 11 years old. A golden core stopped clocking; Hard working RAM at rest, It broke our hearts to see you go, e-waste recycling depots only take the best. In lieu of flowers, donations to the charity of your choice would be appreciated.